Lighter Fluid.

We are home. Jeb is adjusting beautifully. Maddie Grace and Nate are in love. The jetlag is fading. Laundry is all done, folded, and put away. I have tried several times to blog and each time find myself unable to put anything coherent down. There is part of me that would love to recount our days in Rwanda- to share the story of meeting our third child in a hospital, the frantic days spent trying to get there as soon as we could, what the moment was like seeing him for the first time. And yet, words fail. Maybe my hesitancy and what holds my fingers back from typing is that there are pages of this story that are for Jeb alone. It is, ultimately, his story to know.

What I do know, and am eager to tell, is that God used our time in Rwanda to fan the flame of adoption and orphan care that He lit in our hearts two years ago. Maybe "fan the flame" is too light of a saying. More accurately, God used our time in Rwanda to pour lighter fluid onto the fire. The long, arduous two year journey to Jeb had dimmed that fire. We went into Rwanda really just wanting to finally be "done" with this adoption and united with our long desired son. God so beautifully broke me in Rwanda again. For His cause, for the orphan, for His name to be known in hard places, for His kingdom to come. I have not been a day home without the flow of tears. Many of those tears have been ones of overwhelming thankfulness and delight in what the Lord has accomplished in bringing Jeb home. However, always mingled with the happy tears are sorrowful ones. Sorrow for the children we left behind.... beautiful children who need a family too. Sorrow for this broken world, dying without living water.

So where does that leave me? It leaves me as a mom with a heart on fire for kids who have no mom. It leaves me searching The Word for answers. It leaves me praying for direction and next steps for our family. It leaves me (amazingly) wanting to dive off into the waters of another adoption...only God.

Only God.

Only God put it into our hearts to care about the orphan.

Only God led us on a two year journey to our beautiful son.

Only God sets the lonely in families.

This is not our work- it is His alone.

This is not our story- it is His alone.

We are just characters in His parable.

To Him be the glory.

Amen.